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The 2 types ENC relationships?


There are 2 types of ENC relationships:

1. Both spouses have ENC and have a dull, disconnected relationship with neither spouse feeling compelled to connect more. 

2. Only one spouse has ENC while the other spouse who is emotionally attuned is driven by the absence of emotional connection to find out what is wrong with their relationship and to do something about it. 

Many marriage counselors have no knowledge or experience in working with ENC, this means the root of the marital issues is not being correctly identified or addressed. The counselor or therapist will see that there is an issue in the relationship but they have no way to see the "invisible emotional wall" of the ENC person. Therefore, focus is often put onto the emotionally attuned spouse who has the complaints about the relationship, which makes them look "needy"or "problematic", as if they are “flooding" their ENC spouse.  This is so because quite often the ENC person doesn't have complaints in the disconnected relationship and is perfectly content (as this disconnection is normal to them, and not so the emotionally attuned spouse who is suffering).  This leads to further confusion, frustration and ultimately unsuccessful results for the couple when looking for a solution to repair their relationship.

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